Scarred by U.G. Naguit(P1)

• 
  “Whenever I see this scar on my left elbow, memories of misery and hope flash back into the threshold of my mind.”
  
  When I was still in the minor seminary, I used to be an easygoing kid who enjoyed life to the “fullest”. All I wanted was to be blissful everyday; I always wanted to have fun! Before, I considered accomplishing dull and uninteresting errands a waste of time. The terrible thing here was: I never enjoyed praying; from my view-point, praying is “wasting time”. “Nako prayers nanaman! Nakakasawa!” “Ano ba ‘yan! Sayang oras ko, may test pa kami mamaya! Kung nag-aral nalang sana tayo!” Yes, my perception about praying was really absurd…
  
  I was always reprimanded because of my rowdy attitude; many people told me that my ways are at odds with my identity as a minor seminarian. Instead of sharing more time with my family during home-weekends, I found it more enjoyable having it spent with my friends. I believed that drinking and skateboarding with friends is far-off more enjoyable than staying at home and be annoyed of my brothers and parents. I became an immature drunkard/skateboarder and never recognized God as Lord over me; besides being the main character in my own play, I was also the author of my “fate”, and the director of my “personality”. I knew that God awfully wants to enter into the hearts of every people; however, there was no unoccupied space in my heart for Him to stay. Time went on, but still, He never stopped creating a little opening in my heart for him to penetrate.
  
  During the 26th day of August 2009, we had a practice for our Linggo ng Wika presentation – a boring interpretative dance (well, I terribly hate dancing). To completely annoy me, my disgust for the presentation teamed up with the boredom of waiting for my groupmates. I was silently whispering, “This is what RIDICULOUS is all about!” Instead of dying silently while waiting for my groupmates, I consoled myself and took my skateboard. I played and indeed, I enjoyed! But the fun ended with a 180-ollie trick… I tripped. I flashed a look at my left arm and saw that it was terribly fractured. I trembled but I tried to remain at ease. So, instead of crying, I smiled and didn’t ask for God’s comfort.
  
  Immediately, I was accompanied by my formator to the hospital to have my bones checked through X-ray. After the doctor had examined my bones, he said that my arm can’t be fixed through the common fracture-cementing method alone. He whispered to me hesitantly that I need to undergo an operation on a different hospital.
  
  Then, we went to the next hospital and met my doctor. He clarified that I really need to undergo an operation as “soon” as possible, or else the condition of the arm will become worse. I said, “Okay, okay… But how much will this operation cost?”. “Maybe, around a hundred thousand”, he responded. I was totally shocked. He advised me to call on my parents before signing-up for the operation. I called on my mother right away and told her about the accident, and when I told her, “Ma, ma-ooperahan daw ako”, I heard her cry resentfully on the phone.
  
  Guilt and anxiety dashed to and fro on my mind. My eyes became watery and the breathing in my chest became tighter, but still I endured the pain and didn’t let even a single drop of tear fall from my eyes. Then, my formator accompanied me to the vehicle and told me that we will be fetching my parents.
  
  While we were on the road, I kept silent. I reflected deeply; this edifying moment made me realize that I need God. I prayed on my seat during the whole ride while doing my best to bear the tears in my eyes.
  
  After the 45-minute ride, we finally arrived at my hometown. I felt something weird as I entered our home. It was extremely quiet. Instead of my mother welcoming us, my grandmother was there and she was the one who welcomed us (this was weird because my grandmother rarely visited us before). After I kissed her hand, we went to the room. There, I saw my mother – in her eyes, grief and pain were reflected. Together with her in the room was my father; he was lying on the bed while he coughed terribly. I was dreadfully agitated so I asked my mother, “Ma, may sakit si daddy?” She replied with her husky voice saying, “Di na siya makakasama sa hospital, may pulmonya siya”. Then I told my father, “Pagaling ka dad.” Fate was pressing me to the ground harder; the strain on my heart worsened.
  
  Then, we went back to the hospital. The nurses visited me in my room and connected a needle of dextrose to my veins. Gloomily, I and my mother stayed there for the whole night.
  
  The sun rose up, but still sadness covered my spirit. The nurses woke me up, telling me to prepare for the operation. Before the nurses delivered me to the operating room, my mom and I had a short, yet heart-wounding conversation. She admitted that she lied to me; she did not want me to know about the real condition of my father – maybe to lessen the burden I was carrying by that time. He has no pneumonia; the truth was: he was severely suffering from tuberculosis.
  
  This was the point in time when fate pressed me hardest to the ground; the strain on my heart was in its worst! Then, I realized that my dad made a laudable sacrifice for me – he did not stay in any hospital just so I can recover well… My father endured intense suffering just because of my recklessness. By that time, I felt a deep sinking feeling in my chest; I wanted to find someone whom I can put the blame on – I found nobody but myself. Then, the nurses took me to the operating room. After lying on the operating bed, the doctors injected general anesthesia to my veins. Chilling on that room, I unconsciously fell into a deep slumber…
  
  Whenever I see this scar on my left elbow, memories of misery and hope flash back into the threshold of my mind. My fate was horribly doomed. Everything seemed to be broken, yet I never regretted clashing against those problems. After encountering crossroads, a straighter and easier path was introduced to me.
  
  Excellently, God made use of those embarrassing moments for something better. In the Old Testament, God tested Job’s faith through pain, shame, and humiliation. He lost everything he had – his wealth, his usual semblance, his animals, and his family–, yet he never whined about it to God. Amidst anguish, he remained faithful to God… Because of his great fidelity, God has blessed him even more.
  
  After the trials I met, God has blessed me ceaselessly. Today, everything appears to be ideal for me and gradually, I was able to figure out the importance of “prayer and family” in my life.
  
  Without experiencing pitiless heartaches, life will be a stagnant river that will lead us to nowhere – no growth, no maturity, no change. “If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it’s not so bad.” (C.S. Lewis)